Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Ok, so things aren't going exactly as good as I had hoped. I am doing (for the most part) better than I had before, but the progress is not that great. We had friends over this past weekend...movies, pizza, malts (as in shakes with malt mix). I'm a little bummed, but I'm still hopeful...just not as much as last time I posed. It's just hard to kick this obsession with food and eating. I have a long family history of comfort food. With the last year and a half (losing my mother aka my best friend till my hubby, my advisor at school meaning that I am now on my third line of research just in my PhD program alone, my aunt, my pregnancy, etc.)...it's been the most difficult time in my life. This doesn' t even include the people we love that have gotten sick, or lost babies, money issues, quiting smoking, etc. I don't want to use this as an excuse, but I'm just having a hard time lately.

I have a couple of books that may be able to help with the eating things. It's how to eat like a skinny girl (although this doesn't help disordered thinking), but also a book about compulsive eating and thought excersises and stories to help stopit. My issue? I start the book but have a hard time getting past the first few chapters. It's the same I've always had. I'm usually ok with the first few weeks (losing weight, feeling good, etc.), but lose it after that. This time, I'm having a hard time even starting. I think it may be like smoking. The first time, it was easy to quite. Every time afterwards, it becomes more painful and much harder. I kicked the habbit this past time, but by avoiding smoking and related activities. Eating? Much harder.

Everyone is trying to help. Have you thought of eating prepared meals? Have you thought of planning out your food? Have you thought of wearing a string around your wrist to remind you? The problem? money, and having an eating disorder. If I don't change my thoughts, then I have a feeling that any plan will end up the same. Prepared and planning = restriction = more thoughts about the problem foods than I'd like = falling off of a 50 foot wagon. A string? I think will remind me of what I'm missing, not just what I need to work on. So, I'm thinking a visit with a psychologist is in order. Although, I guess it'll have to be next month. This month money says no!


Lasserday said...

gosh, you have had a lot of stress lately!

i totally get it about the whole, thinking about it = more feelings of restriction = almost certain failure. that is where i am right now, trying to figure out how to not thinking about it too much but think about it enough to make myself healthier. hard balance.