Thursday, May 28, 2009


I'm having problems replying to people that comment, so I will do so here! Yes, I am teaching a course. There's only 12 people though, so I kind of lucked out there. I've taught classes that were 30+ in the summer before. THAT is always fun! But, I'm teaching a child development course this summer. 4 weeks of super busy fun :) I do love it, just will be exhausted come July. Then I have a month more to study for my big exams. Whew. I'm wiped just thinking about it :)

Oh, and I'm going to a wedding, not a weeding! lol. Have no idea what a weeding is, but probably not as fun as a wedding! I sometimes just write things straight into blogger. In fact, most of the time that's what happens (epitome of lazy! lol).
If you're confused, read the last post


Chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga- CHOOCHOO. That's all I have :) Just chuggin along. Have a wedding shower and bachelorette party on Saturday, a weeding the next week, then another wedding two weeks later. Oh, yeah, the bachelorette party and 2nd wedding I'm standing in. Fun times, but if I don't pig out every second it'll be a miracle! OH, besides studying and teaching a course. Life. It happens I guess!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Discussions with others

I got to thinking the other day (through someone else’s post…I told you I was an idea stealer!) about compliments or talking about weight loss issues. There are people that love to talk about it. Why not? It can be a very big accomplishment and something to be proud of. Me? It feels like weight loss is the most important part to other people, yet only one of many issues I have. I hate to talk about even exercising or food issues at all with other people in face to face life. Sometimes even my face to face friends. It just feels like a really personal thing and something very private.

Is that bad? Is it bad that I don’t like talking about it? That it makes me uncomfortable? The reason I ask is that as I type this I was thinking about why I don’t want to talk about it. I am a private person somewhat. But, with close friends I am usually free to talk about a lot of issues that would make most blush. I can talk about sex, bodily functions, etc. Nothing is really off limits, besides specifics about me and my hubby doing the deed. But this? This is too private for me to talk about to most people. Maybe it’s the shame. Maybe it’s that then I have to admit to other people that I have an eating disorder (compulsive eating…with a few times of purging as well…don’t worry, it hasn’t been for a little while). Maybe it’s the shame or fear of persecution. Why would I feel this way?
I’m proud of the changes I’m making. Regardless, there is only one face to face person that I really talk to about this. Only because she’s going through the same issues. I have no desire to talk to anyone else. It’s an invasion that I just don’t want to deal with right now.

So, what do you think. Can we really get over these issues if we’re closed off to talking about it in our day to day lives (away from the online)? Should (there’s that evil word again!) I want to talk about it with folks other than y’all? What do you guys say about healthy living with face to face contacts?

Friday, May 22, 2009

CRAZZZZZY thoughts

I found out why my back hurt. On my own (subborn, anyone?). The way I walk for sure. I walk with my feet out like a duck. It feels the most natural for my hips and knees (my legs aren't straight). Not so good for my back after a long time. This walk wasn't near as bad once I changed to walking with my toes facing forward. Felt weird as, well, as weird can be. But, at least I'm not experiencing the ever so lovely pain in the back. How do you overcome 31 years of walking the way that you do? I guess one walk at a time.

It's funny that the prior post is about my beloved music while I walk. Why? Because, I got all geared up (ok, just work out clothes and shoes, but it was an effort!) this morning only to realize my iPod was not charged. Hubby and I are trying a new no tv in bed thing, so we used the iPod. And left it on over night I'm assuming. Otherwise gremlins broke into our house to rock out to my iPod in the middle of the night. I hope they love the dixie chicks, motely crue, and bethoven.

So, what was I to do? As I saw it there were 3 optiosn. Steal the hubby's iPod (if I only knew where that was!). The other two: take the gear off and not go and watch tv like a lazy bum, or go for the walk anyway and be left to my thoughts. I didn't have the heart to tell my very exicted dog (she knows the shoes, stupid classical conditioning) that her momma was going to deny her of one of her favorite activities because she couldn't (scratch that...didn't want to be is more appropriate) left alone with her thoughts. So, I braved my thoughs and potential boredome and left the house for a walk.
Outcome? Not so bad. It's easier to keep a steady pace when you're not relying on songs to keep it going. Especially given that I haven't made a playlist for exercising yet (I laziness knows no bounds). And, I wasn't as bored as I thought I would be. I did the entire route and didn't even cut corners. YAY ME!!

Will I continue the trend? Probably not. More than likely I will obsessively check every night to make sure it is charged up! But at least I know I can be left alone with my crazy thoughts now. Which include writing this post in my head, "singing" a song over and over and over and over (yes, the same song...ugh, but I switched to a better one 1/2 way through to get the 1st one out of my head), thinking about random conversations I had the day before, etc. But, they're mine so why not indulge them :)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

exercise as meditation

Thanks for all the great advice, tips and encouragement with my last post! The pain is a sciatic pain. I used to have trouble with it when I was waitressing (using only one side for heavy lifting of trays and plates = pain!). The docotor says the x-ray shows nothing. My chiropractor told me that my hips are not centered with my spine. Who knows. All I know is that when I jogg it goes away or is not so bad. I should press it more, but I'm tired of going to the doctor and them not doing anything for me. Compacency is always the best solution, right? hah

On a different topic:
I was watching Bride Wars the other day. As an aside, I promise not to spoil it. But, really, if you haven’t seen it then do it! If you’re a girl (or have known girls!), it is perfect. Funny, sad, outrageous, but it fits us or how we can be or at least feel sometimes to a T.

Anyway, related to this blog: there is a scene (early on…promise!) where Kate Hudson’s character asks why they can’t power walk/jog/run with iPods. Anne Hathaway’s character says to that: “iPods are for people that can’t be left alone with their thoughts.”

Most of the people I know use iPods to make exercising enjoyable. Is it true? Are we all just people who can’t be left alone to their thoughts? I don’t know that I agree. At least agree whole heartedly. While I do feel that way sometimes (that and my anxiety will be left to a different post), I don’t think it’s so bad to lose yourself in exercise.

Sometimes walking/jogging/running is good for sorting out your thoughts. But, if you’re like me, sometimes you need to escape them as well. I worry all the time. I like exercise being a break from that. My iPod and my music helps that. It helps me lose all the stupid worries and just feel peaceful. It usually helps to distract me somewhat from everyday life. And, it helps to not make a big deal out of things.
So, while I think sometimes I do things to not be left alone to my thoughts, I’m not sure that using an iPod is related to that. Besides, if I had a buddy to chat with why would I use an iPod. Isn't having a buddy the same thing?

What do you thing about this? Agree with the movie? Disagree? Do any of you go sans music or tv while exercising? What music do you like to exercise to? Any favorites?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Pain in the....back!

The weekend was good for the most part. Eating...we're not discussing that! But, exercise is going well. I've been fast paced walking for about 30-40 minutes 5 days a week. Let me tell you, the doggie is loving it! My back? Not so much. But, I've discovered something weird...if I walk for a long time my back hurts like crazy. If I jogg periodically through the time (@ 1 minute bursts) then it starts to feel better again. I've never heard of you think it's my posture (as I straighten my slouched back! lol), or maybe the way I walk? I'm starting to think so...why else would jogging releave it?

HMMM...I have some inernet scouring to do! Er, after I work. Yes, after work!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Healthy snacks and sweet tooth fixes

I think Mama bear June was right on her comment for my last post. I think I am having more calories than I realized and making more allowences. I am doing better about over eating, but not all of it is good foods. It's just so difficult.

And, Crazy Lady is my kind of girl. I love sweets that don't involve chocolate (most of the time anyway), and her idea about eating fruit with peanutbutter is genious in my book. So simple, and yet would totally hit the spot. I have this new problem with sweet tooth fixes. Plain fruit cuts it most of the time, but not evidence of the ice cream in my freezer! Dang the hubby for turning me onto sweets. Doesn't help being a girl and all (you know what I'm talking about).

As far as the rest of my eating habbits: I won't be following a diet or a plan. They mess my head up more than they help. My main goal is to eat better, but be "normal" about food as well. Don't get me wrong, weight loss would be a great side effect, but just a side effect. I'm getting there, I just need a little time and maybe help!

What do you do for healthy fixes? What snacks do you feel like you just can't get enough of? I know I need to find my own, but until then I'll steal some of yours :) I know I've heard you say it time and time again on your blogs, but I'd like to hear them again!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Allowences. Again.

To clarify...if I were a stay at home mom, like a lot of you ladies, I would probably be as exhausted as I am when I'm in the midst of a semester. I have all the respect for parents, especially ones that stay at home with their kids. It's more than a full time job in and of itself. A stay at home wife with no kids to take care of = boring. Yes, I could clean my house, but what fun would that be? :) Besides, I do have work to do it's just that I'm going stir crazy being cooped inside. We go for walks to help, and go see friends once in a while, but it's just really a different environment than what I'm used to. Imagine what'll happen when I retire. lol.

I feel like I'm struggling with the same things food wise. 1 year of posting, many years of worrying about this and I'm at the same place. The issue is that I can't be good all the time, but I have troubles finding balance. How do you let yourself have yummy yet bad for you foods and leave it at that? How often do you have them? Once a week have a fast food cheeseburger? Quit the whining and have none? I have a problem with limits and allowences. I am usually an all or nothing type of person, so this you can have treats in moderation.

For now, though, I'm going to keep working on eating when I'm hungry and trying to eat a little better. I've already incorporated a lot more healthy food into my diet (as in food intake not on a "diet") and leave the worrying for another day! Let's just focus on one step at a time. Like Bill Mury in What About Bob...Baby steps :)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I am in a funk. Not a funk in life per say, but with the blog. I have ideas about what to write about, but most of them stem off of other people's posts and really enough was said on their ends. I just have nothing much going on. I guess that's a good thing, right?
You see, I'm on "break" until the end of May. Instead of doing things (which cost $$), I've been staying at home a lot. A.LOT. I don't know how house wives and husbands do it. I would go insane. A week and a half and I already am going stir crazy. I'm looking forward to working again. Well, I always need to be working, but I mean going to school instead of working at home.

I've been doing well on the HYC stuff. I've been trying to journal and let go of feelings. I also started walking (speeded) about 1/2 hour every day and taking small walks or bike rides with the hubby. Also, trying to get a grip on compulsive eating. I'm not exactly eating as healthy as I could (although my snacks are typically grapes or oranges, which is way better than usual) and I am eating more than necessary. But, I'm doing and feeling a lot better than in the past. I just need to keep chugging.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother's Day Weekend

This is my 2nd mothers day without my mom. I miss her in more ways than I can express in person, much less typing to you. But, it makes me appreciate all you moms so much more. I hope you realize what you mean to your daughters and sons. How much you shape them into who they will be. And, regardless of your struggles together, if they're anything like me they will be proud to grow up to be just like you. It's an honor. Just like I hope you are feel towards your moms (and dads, but that's for a different month :). I hope everyone had as wonderful of a mom as I did.

So, here's to you Blogger moms. I hope this weekend is a relaxing, relatively stress free, and a wonderful one. I hope you take some time for you this weekend - to appreciate all that you do! After all, you can't do your job well (as a mom) until you take care of yourself!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Study time

Stressors, stressors, where are my stressors. Oh, wait, yes…I found it. But, today one stressor just became more manageable. All by what should have been humiliation. I have exams coming up. “YES, YES, we KNOW”, you say. Well, it’s all I can think about, so it’s what I will write about! After all, this is my body journey…I’m making it a well rounded body journey. :) But, that’s not the point. Back to my story.

Me and the guy I’m taking the exams with went to a little meeting with one of my professors. He wanted us both there so he could ask questions, we’d write it down, and then he’d evaluate it on the spot. See the humiliation part? Well, the big answer is that we were both not ready. Bottom line. How is that a good thing you ask? WELL, this means that we have the dates extended. We now have until August to take them. Whoot, whoot. Why didn’t I think of this before? Oh, wait, if I had I wouldn’t have been frantically studying all this time and realized what I was doing wasn’t enough. So, we now have a great plan. And, 3 more months to study for it. Yes, I am actually cheering for more studying. Sick. Sick and wrong ;)

That weight on my chest just got a ton lighter.

3 more days until the women's challenge. If you don't know what that is, then go here. And join Miz Fit's group here!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


I am still working toward my HYC stuff, especially with my compulsive eating, bad food choices, and exercise.
The thing I want to talk about is being in my zen place (as I call it). With school, money issues (like where the heck is my money tree already?), etc. I am a little high strung. Prone to anxiety and really go a little nutzo when things pop up like the exams coming up that are 1/2 of determining if I get my PhD. But, with it all I find myself not sleeping well and being a general bit**. Something needed to change. So, a couple of weeks ago I decided that enough was enough. I need to destress and keep things in perspective. If you've been following my progress then you've heard me talk about it here and there. I just woke up one morning and decided that the stress was never going to go away (after all, I want to be a professor when I grow up so this stress will ALWAYS be here). So, I'm making a conscious decision to change things.

Well, yesterday I was talking with one of my professors and he mentioned that I "look really healthy", and asked what changed. It's sad that I let all the stress get to me that much, but what good feedback that I'm doing things right. I didn't realize how much I let things get to me. I only hope my students didn't feel it. But, the only thing I am focusing on now is that I'm going in the right direction. Empowerment feels good!