rewards

I'm still here, just been working, working, working. I'm freaking out because my exams are at the end of May and there's just not enough time to study that much! AGH.

On a different note, I decided that I want to put myself on a reward system for working out. LIke, I get $1 for every half hour I work out. Then, I can use the money to buy clothes or purses or something. We are on a limited budget, otherwise it'd totally be more. Like wouldn't it be nice to work out every day for a month and buy a large ipod? :) Can't happen, but I can do this.

The only issue is that I'm afraid that external motivation ruins internal ones. Like the studies where they paid kids to play the piano, and as soon as they did that the kids didn't want to do it anymore. What do you think? Yes, I realize I'm like a little kid at times :) But, what do you think about adult rewards for things like that? (really, it was mostly an excuse for me and for my hubby to let me get clothes once in a while, but I figured I could use any help in the exercies department that I could get!) But, do you think I'm messing it all up??

Friends

Thanks for the replies about my venting post (or reading it if you didn't post!). My plan is not (and was never) to cut this person out of my life (she's a really great friend in many other ways)...may plan is to steer conversations either away from the negativity or help her with solutions only. I have "friends" that are best left not friends but she's a great person in every other way.

I'm still having a problem with the sweets. What problem? Like I didn't think of the alternatives I wanted to have like I said I would. Oh, and then there's the fun fact that it was the hubby's birthday Saturday, so we had a get together with 6 of his closest friends. Chips and dip, hot dogs and cake. Oh, the cake. I made it, and it was delicious if I do say so :) But, dang if we didn't have one healthy thing there. So, I'm renewing my goal. No more cake (even though my b-day is tomorrow). No more sugary stuff. I will have smoothies and apple sauce and stuff like that if it's the only thing I do this week.

To vent or not to vent

I've been thinking about the people I surround myself with a lot lately, especially since Costa Rica. I don't need people in my life that make me feel bad. I refuse to have that in my life. But, what am I doing to help this (besides not talking to the crappy people). I stumbled on a post linked by the lovely MizFit. It really hit home.

My MIL has a group of women she gets together with. (you'll see the link in a minute) They asked one of them to leave because she was seperating from her hubby and she was venting (ok, probably trashing him) and they didn't want the negativity around them. They said the negatively was infectious and they didn't want it to influence their relationships with their husbands. I thought this was so harsh when I first heard about it. What else are girlfriends there for, but to hear you when you're down. To be there for you and listen to your problems.

But, as I've gotten older I've noticed a pattern about venting. It does spread. And, it turns everything negative (at least for me) for a while. While venting can be good, it's taking it to an extreme. And, at least for me, it doesn't make me feel better. You know wat does? Writing in my journal,and then getting over with it!

How many times in your life have you heard about what a jerk someone's ex-girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife was? What about when they ask you (or insist) for your opinion? You give it. Then they're back together with the person. It almost always creates a divide. I've had this happen a couple of times with really, really good friends. Never again.

What's been happening lately with one of my best friends is that we talk about our men. They have similar issues, so it was funny to laugh about it all when we met. Then, the laughing turned to venting. The thing is, every time she "vents", I feel the need to chime in and relate to her situation. It really creates negativity all around and it's harder to be happy with him afterwards, when I was just perfectly happy with him before the conversation. I'm sure the same thing happens with her when I vent too.

So, in addition to cutting back on sweets after dinner, I am also resolving to make my life more positive in other ways. Try to be happier, more pleasant, etc. Making a list of things I'm grateful for or having my inspiration board with things that remind me to be positive and make me happy. Most importantly, to stop myself when I feel the need to agree (when someone else vents about their people) or when I feel myself starting to vent. Finally, journal when things are down so that I can recharge. Funny how when I vent on paper I alwas turn myself around, but don't when I'm with others.

Eggs

I'm not doing the greatest with the no sweets after dinner thing. My friend brought over cup cakes. That's ok, cause I did it to her the other day. I should be able to just say no, right? Well, I'm going to get rid of them and stick to smoothies and unsweetened apple sauce. Maybe some dark chocolate, because antioxidents can't be bad, right? :)

Now, maybe this is a moot point, given that I eat worse foods than this, but I totally don't *get* why people are down with eggs. I understand that they need to be cooked properly. I understand that there is cholesterol. But, I had been under the impression that researchers and doctors think they're good for you, or at least that with moderation (and if you don't have cholesteral problems already) that the good out weight the bad. Apparently, not for everybody. I want to know why! Why are they so bad. Why are they not natural. What's the big deal? If you know or know where to point me to, I would love an answer.

Why is this a moot point? Because I'm trying to give things up like cupcakes and pizza. I think that given my current diet, it's a better alternative. But, I would love to know....why all the arguing and conflicting information?

Happy Monday

Yes, I actually said "happy monday". Feeling like Felicia right now ;) Mondays are usually dreaded days. I think it's the lack of internet. I may cave soon. Must.have.internet. Like a junky. lol.

I went walking/jogging this weekend. I got to thinking about Tom's post about his diabetes. How he was exercising for donuts (or some other bad food) before he was diagnosed. It was a really moving post (along with the one on MizFit's site), so go read it if you haven't already. But, the exercising to burn off calories for bad foods...that's me. It's scary. People do it all the time. Why really change before something goes wrong. Well, I'd like to change before I have something serious like diabetes to deal with. So, I'll continue working on these things.

What's my next thing I'm working on for the week? Cutting out desert. I've been eating sweets every night (or more). Weird for me, but it's been pretty consistant lately. It's high time to get rid of those and replace it with healthier stuff like fruit.

It's raining and pouring!

We had a weird storm yesterday. I'm from the north...I can handle a lot of weird weather situations. Blizzards, snow (and lots of it), ice, rain, etc. What I have never have really had is hail. Until yesterday. It wasn't large (so I'm told by my TX native hubby), but wow. I was driving home...and thought it was going to crack the windshield. Or go through the roof. Ok, maybe I'm a little over dramatic, but it was LOUD. And, it was only 2" balls of frozen masses falling from the sky. What would the golfball or softball sized ones feel like? I hope I never find out!

Internet

I almost caved. I almost kept my internet. But, thankfully the (*&%$*%) company likes to charge a ton for each item when it's seperate, so I don't have internet at home. Last night and today: talk about weird. I was SURE that I'd have a ton of urgent emails that made me regret ever getting rid of it. Truth? Mostly junk or joke emails. Nothing pressing. No student emergencies. No advisor "you need to read this and get back to me in the next hour" emails. Life was just fine. What is that you say? The world doesn't revolve around me? Whatever! ;) Sheesh, I guess it doesn't!

Keep in mind that I said no inernet at home. There's still school (students and faculty get free inernet), so I will be able to write (like now?!) and check in on y'all. It just will be weekdays am instead of obsessively all day long. And, I'm less likely to procrastinate when I'm working at work. So, life will be great...just hopefully more productive.

Blogaversarry

Happy blogaversary to me!
My blog-annaversary is here. It has been an exciting year, with ups and downs of course. As I started to say in the last post, what I have gained the most are all of you. You provide more support and encouragement than I ever hoped to gain. Thank you for you're support. Really, it means everything. I can't possibly predict what the future holds, but I'm looking forward to the next year!

I have a big change happening today. We're getting rid of our home cable and internet. I know. Crazy, crazy talk. It's for financial reasons, but really I think it'll be a great thing for us both. I can get more work done, stop procrastinating with the internet and cable, start doing things that I really want to do but figure I don't have time. If I was honest with myself, I'd say that we watch tv at least 8 hours of the day. INSANE. If not more. And, there is never a time that I'm awake where I don't have the tv on. It's a constant. I do things here and there (like blog, or check my email obsessively. Sometimes work on my lecture), but not as much as I should. Not as much as I need to if I want to have my PhD any time soon. Or at all. It's too easy to veg in front of the tv and forget everything. Well, it won't be as easy any more.

Now, we do have more movies than I care to admitt. You'd be more than shocked. But, for me, movies don't hold the same magick.

So, that's me. I will probably continue with the sparse posting. I plan to keep it up...it's just that hopefully I'll be doing more and dreaming about doing more less often.

Birthdays

Wow. I had no idea that I have had this blog for almost a year now. Doesn't seem like it. Crazy stuff. I keep reading about blogaversaries and monumental posting amounts...meanwhile ignoring my own. I never was into birthdays and anniversaries anyway. I like to try to focus on everyday.

I can't believe it's Thursday already. Make that, can't blelieve it's April or 2009. Where does the time go? I remember a summer feeling blisfully like forever. I remember being 9 and feeling like I'd never make it to 10. Now? It all passes in a blink of an eye. Now I'm 30 and wondering where the past year went. lol. I'll be 31 later this month. Wowsers. 31. When I started this blog, I was in my 20's (although, only for a moment as I turned 30 a week and half after that).

I'm a little sad. Sad that I'm still struggling with the same issues. That I haven't resolved much of anything, except to focus on it more. But, not much has seemed to change. Yet, maybe it has.

Natalia brought up a good point about not respecting the ones closest to you...including yourself. It's a good lesson to face and realize. I love what she says at the end. Be kind! Be loving! Be patient! I think that may be what my big lesson has been. That I need to be kind, loving and patient with myself. It's something I'm still struggling with, but one I'm getting a grasp on.

And, I've discovered a lot about what doesn't work for me. Like dieting and weighing myself all the time. But, that doesn't mean that I can sit around and be healthy. I need to work on things, but in a "sane", healthy way. Hmm. Maybe I can get older I and wiser? Just a little? :)

----------------------------------------------------

I was going to save something like this for my actual bloggaversary post, but I just realized (thanks Tom!) that I should have stated it here. The one best thing I've gained from this blog is the support of you all! I will leave the rest of the gratitude statement for next week, but realize that I appreciate your support more than you know!

Give away link

FYI...Felice over at The Happy Runner is having a give away for her 2ooth post! The give away is 5 products from Rudi's Organic Bakery. I've never tried their products, but they look really good. Oh, wait, I want to win. Never mind...they're yucky! ;)

Congrats Felice!

Weekend update

Here's the weekend update, although probably not near as entertaining as snl :)

I am so proud of myself. Caffeine is down. I'm this close to switching to only decaf. That will be tomorrow. Water consumption is way up. I did great on this goal. And, let me tell you. It's harder than it sounds. I never realized it would be a conscious effort every day. It's getting easier though.

My newest goal is to eat more poultry and fish. My first part of this, for an operational definition of what I'll actually acomplish this week, will be to cut out hot dogs, brats, etc. Anything super processed like that. But, I've already started on minimal red meat. I'd like to get where I'm minimal on all meats, but that's unlikely. I'd love to become a vegetarian, but if it happens it'll get there slowly. Very slowly.

Feeling fat

This is the problem with being overweight. It's so difficult to feel normal and good about yourself. It's difficult to pull out of the funk and to not drown sorrows in donuts or french fries or the double fudge chocolate swirl ice cream (not my thing, but hey...I thought the rest of you could relate!). I know other people hear about emotional eating or feeling bad about yourself, but they really don't know what it's like. Well, this post that I stumbled upon really summs it up. If you're having a good day, then read it another time. It's kind of a bummer, but it puts things very bluntly and real.

Now, I'm not saying that I agree with the author all of the time. Or even most of the time. But some of the time? Yes. Yes I have. It's something I'm working on...and I think it is something important to come to terms with and deal with before ever becoming healthy.

coffee and eggs

I'm drinking my half calf, eating my eggs and cheese, feeling good. I'm good in the am. What I didn't realize was how hard it'd be to not drink sodas during the day! Somewhere between a year ago and now I became a secret (from me even) soda junky! I'm aware now! So, I'm going to rock the half calf in the am (and water the rest of the day) for a few days until I'll move to decaf only.