others health, tats, and my health all in one post :)

What a week! It's been exciting, stressful, and sad all at the same time. When I was younger, there were years and years when health issues and family stuff was so minor it was rediculous. Now, it seems like everyone gets sick (chronic and acute, but mostly chronic) around every turn. My mother in law is having more health issues...which if she adds one more I swear the guiness book of world records will be contacting her. Or ripley's believe it or not. And, that's just one person! We've had more people sick and pass away lately (and people we're both realy close too), along with other events that I can't talk about here. I'm started to be more suprised when things don't happen. Is this the joy of being an adult? It was literally 3 years ago when it started. I hit 27 and BOOM. I wouldn't trade my life for anything (I have had some amazingly wonderful things happen too), but sometimes I wish we could have a few years of silence. But, it'd probably come at too big of a cost, wouldn't it? I'm too lucky to complain though, I just needed a moment. On to funner things.

I am 30 and got my first tattoo! It's not little either. Ok, I'll just show you!

It's huge (remember...this is a size 16 woman here), but isn't it gorgeous? Just what I wanted. I've been wanting a tat for about 11 years now, with this specific one in mind for 7 months. I think I was ready :) Next is a froggie tattoo for my mom...they were her favorites. Let me tell you though, the next one won't be on a spot that's quite that sensative, and it won't be that big! Let me just say, it didn't feel like puppy kisses!! (no that's not what I was expecting, but can you imagine how great that'd be? That's assuming you love tats too, huh?)

I am starting my work out routine back up tomorrow! I won't have the morning time like I thought I would be able to (why yes, dr. advisor, I will work whenever you want because I'm your slave ;) ). However, I will have more time on MWFSat so that's still on. I'm starting the 100 push ups again, only instead of plank or even girly I am doing it against a lower counter and I'll work my way up to girly then plank. And, instead of unstructured working out I think I'll try the C25K program. That one is variable though, just because i have hip and shin splint problems (seperate, not together!). I will definately keep you posted on this one!

Lunchity time

Thanks for all the great comments :) I'm still going to have stress...it's a PhD so I can't expect not to, but hopefully the encompasing, losing sleep, anxiety will be out the window.

I was hoping that you lovely folks could help me out. I'm having issues with eating healthier and working at a university where there are so many bad (yet yummy) food choices to be made. We have a pizza stand (where it's really good), chic-fil-a (yummy waffle fries), oriental and a hot sub place with the best fries imagineable (see my french fry problem?). We have healthier choices too, but they're not as good and let's face it, they don't pay grad students the millions we deserve :) I've been eating frozen meals and soup, which I know are not all that great for you (sodium, preservatives, etc.). What do you do (if you go to work and pack a lunch) or what good ideas could you suggest? I still want to do lower carb, but it's more trying to get rid of bad carbs. So, I'll have enriched bread, no sugar added peaches (or apple sauce), etc.

Thanks!

HYC check in

Weight and health wise...Im still at 205, which I consider great so far. I still am working on doing my plan of action, but some of it is not in action...just theory.

On a different front, I just switched advisors for the 3rd time (3rd new line of research as well...ugh), but I'm so excited about it. I've been doing stuff that wasn't my passion so the dissertation didn't seem do-able. Talk about a panick attack! But, now? Totally can see how it'll play out. You have NO idea how much that decreased my anxiety. I feel like I can start to focus on other things besides this terror of a degree...I feel like me a little again and that all the hard work will play out and will be much more pleasant. Dare I say that I can be happy in the moment? Possibly. Only time will tell :)

Keeping myself in the present

I did it...I got my lazy butt off the computer and worked out yesterday. I didn't strain though, so it means walking at a decent pace (3.5/hr), biking a little and then small amounts of weights. It felt good, but it was a struggle. I do best when I get going in the morning before the other part of my brain veto's the whole idea. But, it's a start.

EAting, well, we won't talk about that yet. I overestimated my ability to start this while it's still summer break and it's that tom. But, I will keep trying. One meal doesn't = totally blown.

I'm just having a hard time getting the gumption to do things right now. One problem in particular is this PhD I'm going for. I know I don't talk about personal stuff all that much, but it's what's keeping me right now. If I could do things over again I would have finished my bachelors in C.S. and be done with the rest of schooling, but alas that's not how everything worked out. I'd also have started healthy eating habits when I didn't have as much to lose either (while we're in make believe land), but this is the card I chose. If I was different then I wouldn't have my hubby or my puppy or my friends here or any of the fun things too. The problem is that I feel like my life is on hold until I have a career and we have money for a house. What's going to happen when I have all those things? Is it ever enough to get what you want? Fears about not getting it are there too.

It's the same thing about being healthier. I can't help but long for the future where my goals fall into place (some mythical land I'm guessing) instead of being good with the now. But, that's not healthy either, is it? I have to be happy with what I have and who I am right now instead of longing for the future. But, I'm doing hard work now in hopes for a future, so how can I help but look forward to when it will FINALLY pay off? How do I remain content with what we have now while still wanting more? I guess I have to enjoy my life and my body now. Appreciate what I have.

New plan of action

I've been resting. Rest assured that the last email wasn't intended for plans while I was recovering...I just need to plan out what I wan to do ahead of time so that I don't fall into traps.

I am down to @ 203-205 in actual weight (my scale was subtracting 5 pounds and although I'd love that it's real). I was down to 198, but that was after my digestive system being messed up. Granted it's my tom, but hey...I'd be happy with 205 right now. 5 pounds from the 190's feels do-able.

Ok, to my plan. I am doing a version of lower carbs. Lots of veggies, salads, fruit and leaner meats. I will probably do a meal replacement in the am since I don't get hungry till @9, and on Tuesdays I have to eat at 10:30 in order to make it through my grueling 6 hours of classes starting at 11am without more than a 10 minute break to walk to the next class across campus. Ugh. But, if I have a meal replacement @ 7, then eat lunch at 10:30 with a snack in the middle. It should be ok. We'll se how that works out! Anyway, so I'm trying to cut out useless carbs for 2 reasons. 1: they're bad. Ice cream and donuts taste good, but we all know what it does to the waist lines. 2: right now they taste gross. I still have healing on my tonsils and it coats my throat (to be gross) and it makes carbs like pasta and a lot of breads taste gross. However, I refuse to give up any fruits or veggies because they have sugars. We need sugar to some extent! Don't worry. I don't plan on denying. If I really want it then I'll do it (I can't give up ice cream forever...that's impossible!). But, I don't think I need it right now.

Exercise. I said this before, but I need to reiterate it to myself. Starting September (I need to slowing work my way in) I will exercise M, W, F and Sat. I plan to do 30+ minutes of eliptical (either at a jogging pace or intervals) then @ 15 minutes of minor weight lifting. If not the combo, then I'll do a calesthenic like video + aerobic to make @ 45-1:15 of working out. It's what I really was into before, so why not do what works!

Anyway, I'm excited to start everything up again. I'm back with a plan of action and it's going to rock! ok, that may be overstating it just a little, but I will start feeling better and that's the goal right now.

Update

Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate it. I'm feeling ok. I still need very mushy & bland foods, but I can eat more. Whoop!! But, the thing is that I've lost a substantial amount of weight (@ 10 pounds in a week, so my scale reads 199...the doc would probably say 204). I wasn't trying...it just really, really hurts to eat anything remotely salty or substantial. I have been taking my multivitamine (thank goodness for liquid vitamines) so I know I'm ok that way. It's been mashed potatoes, canned peaches (without sugar added), and low sodium chicken (used loosely since I can't eat the chicken yet...tried and OUCH) noodle soup or cheesy broccoli soup. OH, and a ton of cold water. I tried smoothies and the acid from the fruit kills. Even pea soup hurts because of the salty ham that's sitting in it. Ugh. I miss fruit so much right now too...but I should be able to start again since I can see healthy tissue starting to peak through.

It may seem stupid, but a concern of mine is gaining all the weight back. I know it's not healthy to lose it this way (my stomach definately was a little pissed), but I figure that I could take the sucky situation and turn it to my advantage. I got off of my really bad foods (popcorn with extra butter and fast food) again and can start incorporating better foods in. The thing is...I know my metabolism is going to be slower now (a week or two or three is enough to do that, right?) so I'll probably need to exercise, which I can't do for a little while because most of it would strain too much (situps strain the neck and any aerobics won't do since I'd be breathing heavier...drying out the mouth and straining as well). Do you have suggestions also to slowly kick start my metabolism back and not baloon up again? Thanks!

Tonsil surgery

I had the tonsilectomy surgery on Thursday. Yes, it does suck, but it'll be manageable. It feels like a bad strep throat x2. It was like x 5, so it's a little better. I will live through it just find though. And, just this afternoon I was able to eat more than the sugar free gello, popsicles and ice water witout feeling sick. Not bad for day 3, huh? I have been sleeping a lot, but that's what this time is for, right? Keep your fingers crossed for me that it keeps up the (semi) smooth sailing.

Exercise to lose weight

Ok. (i always say this to calm myself by the way...it's a habit) I read a post a while back by Fat Bridesmaid (here) where she found an article that stated that you need 50 minutes to lose weight. This really outraged me, but I had to think about it a minute to react appropriately. Yes, that's versus innappropriately...like where I call them poopie heads and move on. The article states that to SUSTAIN weight loss this is what people did (at least 50 minutes).

The thing that bugs me is that some people say do any activity, even for a few minutes, and it'll add up. Some people say you need continuous working out for a long time. Some people say that more activity is better, but also that slow and steady is the best for sustaining weight loss. Lose it too quickly and you risk gaining it back quickly as well. And peole wonder why we don't know what to do when we are trying to be good!! Mixed messages are huge...as all of you well know, at least through diets. What do you do when everyone can't agree?

Here's what I was thinking. I take the stairs at work instead of the elevator. Now, I did this before and what happened? My butt firmed and legs were stronger. Doesn't that mean more muscle mass? Doesn't muscle mass = weight loss b/c they burn more calories? You do this consistantly and you get a habit. Habits are good for sustaining, right? Ugh.

The thing is, this number was an average of what people did that were able to sustain weight loss. It doesn't mean you can't with less "effort", but we all want to be those that keep it off once it's off, right? What does that mean about that group though? This is why I hate short articles on research...because they fail to mention the other factors that played into it. Motivation, determination, etc. is what they may be meauring instead.

But, what's the answer? I keep hearing: do what's good for you, but if I knew what was good for me then I wouldn't be here in the first place!!!! It only solidifies that I need more structured help. Maybe it doesn't matter how long as in minutes, just how long as in months!?

HYC update

Update, or lack there of. I am finishing my summer session teaching (yay!). I haven't been good, and my digestive system/stomach is telling me so. So don't feel good. It's ok though, because soon I begin a liquid and mushy food diet (tonsils removed). I stocked up on jello, low fat ice cream (like 130 calories and 3 grams of fat, but oh so yummy. Actually prefer it to the regular kinds), peach snack packs, nutritional shakes (to make sure I get nutrients), etc. Oh, crap....I just realized that the sugar levels of all of these (besides the shakes) are through the roof. It's only for a week or two, so I should be ok, right? Some stuff I did get no sugar added though, so it won't be terrrible. I guess.

Exercise is coming back as soon as I feel better. My fall schedule is ok...at least better for working out...lots of unscheduled time for working on my own, but also I can squeeze in time to work out.

That's it for me.
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Updated 8/6 per MizFits questioning :)
I will have MWFSS "off" (never time off in PhD school). So I plan to hit the gym MWF&Sat for at least 45 minutes. 30 of cardio and 15 of weights. It worked well for me in the past, so I figure why not stick to what I can do. If I feel like doing more...I'll do it. If not, 45 minutes will be enough.
I like to do eliptical (no shin splints...yay! also no hip or knee pain either...double yay!). I'm going to give myself a week or two of getting back into exercising, but after that I plan to do interval training. What I've done in the past is: after a 5 minute warm up I would do 1 minute as fast as I could then 1.5 minutes at a slow jog type of pace.

What happens in Vegas

I'm in shock over my friend, so I just had to write about it. When my hubby and I got married, we had known each other for 3 & 1/2 months. We were going to go to the JP and his mother asked us if we could wait a week, do it in her town, and have more of a "regular" ceremony. No church, but still a small ceremony with the family there, etc. My good friend (that goes to school with me) knew how serious I was and that it was right for me, but at the same time I know she thought I was crazy to make a comittment so soon. She has committment issues, but who wouldn't be concerned if they're friend did that.

Skip (1 & 1/2 years) to two days ago. She was visiting her boyfriend of 2.5-3 months. I wanted to see how things were going since they only met face to face during this trip. I knew it was going well, but hey...we girls stick together and check on each other. She informs me that they went to Vegas with friends and 4 double cocktails later were married. WTF?? I'm excited for her, but it's so unlike her. I haven't even met him (he lived in another state). I really assummed this only happen in movies, country music songs or to celebrities, but nope. It happens to real people.

Educating myself and others

I find it kind of funny lately that a lot of us had zero or no concern about exercising or dieting until a certain point. Then it's super focused until we maintain, quit, or for the rest of our lives. The rest of our lives. I get exhausted just thinking about it, but really. If I'm going to lose weight and stick with it then I can't be on a "diet", because I have to stick with it until the end. But that is a digression. I just wish it wasn't a wake up moment...that people could be more aware or not get there in the first place.

I teach developmental psychology. In the course we talk about physical, cognitive, social and personality issues with each age range. Something I teach is that healthy eating habbits are obviously good, but also the consequenes of not so healthy eating habbits and what happens physically, emotionally, society wise, etc. Yet, as a larger person I can't help but feel a little like a hyppocrite. It's like someone that can't manage their credit giving financial advice (it's why I got out of accounting and finance...I'm terrible in my own life). But, at the same time, we have a saying in psychology that it's ok to have issues and help people out. A doctor is not immune from the flu or colds, so why should we be immune from problems? As an aside, I know a lot of doctors and nurses that either smoke, are overweight, or both. Why is it not ok for us?

Who else would know how important it is to get good eating habbits younger than someone that didn't get them and is struggling to be healthy? I also had a rare opportunity to focus on the stuff we never talk about in classes like that...like compulsive eating (without purging), or how perceptions can change if you'd give people a chance. I showed a variety of people I hadn't focused on before...like a 170pound woman (55") who could run 4 miles, an over weight guy under the pretenses that he was "just" overweight versus a binge eater vs just lost 100 pounds. I also asked about other "perception" stuff like is this person athletic, smart, etc. Did you know that young kids even associate being overweight with less smart (5 & 6 year olds). That I know 5 year old girls that don't want to be fat like their parents or grandparents and say they need to go on diets? Our society makes me sad sometimes.

However, it was nice, even for a brief moment, to open some people's eyes to issues that usually don't get talked about much. I think I may have introduced things that they otherwise would not have. Let's hope it helped... and shows up on my evaluations :) Evaluations are a whole different topic/post.