Thursday, August 21, 2008

Keeping myself in the present

I did it...I got my lazy butt off the computer and worked out yesterday. I didn't strain though, so it means walking at a decent pace (3.5/hr), biking a little and then small amounts of weights. It felt good, but it was a struggle. I do best when I get going in the morning before the other part of my brain veto's the whole idea. But, it's a start.

EAting, well, we won't talk about that yet. I overestimated my ability to start this while it's still summer break and it's that tom. But, I will keep trying. One meal doesn't = totally blown.

I'm just having a hard time getting the gumption to do things right now. One problem in particular is this PhD I'm going for. I know I don't talk about personal stuff all that much, but it's what's keeping me right now. If I could do things over again I would have finished my bachelors in C.S. and be done with the rest of schooling, but alas that's not how everything worked out. I'd also have started healthy eating habits when I didn't have as much to lose either (while we're in make believe land), but this is the card I chose. If I was different then I wouldn't have my hubby or my puppy or my friends here or any of the fun things too. The problem is that I feel like my life is on hold until I have a career and we have money for a house. What's going to happen when I have all those things? Is it ever enough to get what you want? Fears about not getting it are there too.

It's the same thing about being healthier. I can't help but long for the future where my goals fall into place (some mythical land I'm guessing) instead of being good with the now. But, that's not healthy either, is it? I have to be happy with what I have and who I am right now instead of longing for the future. But, I'm doing hard work now in hopes for a future, so how can I help but look forward to when it will FINALLY pay off? How do I remain content with what we have now while still wanting more? I guess I have to enjoy my life and my body now. Appreciate what I have.


Anonymous said...

first? Im in awe that you are working on your PhD.
I want mine. but not enough I guess as I havent started.
and the health thing? you are working your way there too. it will come but youre also right that enjoying life RIGHT NOW will make you more enjoy the process of getting entirely healthy.

that all said, IMO there is nothing wrong with stomping ones feet now and then in the midst of all the HARD WORK and saying I WANT THIS NOOOOW.

and then getting back to living. enjoying the process. and working hard.

xo xo,


Anonymous said...

Well done on getting your butt away from the computer and off to do some exercise -- I know that there is a big temptation with blogging to spend a little too long online (which I may be guilty of today -- but, heck, I've been without internet for a week!).

Best wishes with your new plan + your PhD as well.

working at it said...

I would say work really hard on enjoying the journey. I try to look at life that way. I know easier said then done but when you think about it..we're always going somewhere, headed somewhere, on a journey. Enjoy the ride. You will get there.

Add me to the list of jealous you're going after your phd. After grad school I think my husband would kille me if I said I was going back. Secretly, I still want to.