Tuesday, July 29, 2008

HYC update

The official weigh in...I have not gained. Well, maybe a pound max, but it's harder to tell on a dial scale (My digital went wonkers and I got rid of it). I can't believe it. The only thing I can think is that I'm not eating the amounts I used to. I have moments of pigging out, like with buttered popcorn at the movies or sometimes chips and salsa. But, for the most part I'm not compulsive eating like I used to. The problem is that I don't want to be on a maintenence plan just yet...I want to lose weight. So, I will be watching food. I'll be honest, I don't have the time again this week to even blog, much less exercise. I'm kind of behind on my course and research...so I'm working at all times. Ugh. But, I can do something about my food.

What helps is that the hubby is all excited about eating meats at home. Sounds funny, but let me explain. For the past couple months I would make food for myself (healthier), and he would make like frozen pizza or something like that for himself. He just didn't like the food I was cooking, and I don't blame him for not wanting to eat it. My main concern was that even though he's not very much overweight, I want both of us to be healthy. How can I torture, I mean live with him into old age unless he gets healthier too? Now we've been getting ready made meals or loafs of meat. Like pot roast dinner for the crock pot, or seasoned loafs of like pork or turkey that you just throw in the oven. If it's a meat like that, then we cook frozen veggies. Yes, we're that bad/lazy/uncreative. But, it gets us cooking. The next step will be to actually make a dinner I put together. Until then, I'll let others help me out.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


I know I haven't been posting much lately...that's because there's not much to post losing weight wise. I'm finding it difficult to get back on track. And, various life events keep happening. In leu of being a debbie downer (minus the last post...there was no leu of debbie there) I decided to forgo posting as much. This summer session is almost over though (yay!!), and I will have more time to focus on losing weight and all the fun stuff.

We did clean and re-arrange our appartment today hough. Including cleaning. Let's just say, I haven't come far from undergrad! Wow. But, you know what that means? Free workout :) And, it's all looking better and hopefully should be good for when my dad gets here this week (yay, but bad timing as I'll be super busy) and my surgery. It's hard for me to be excited about things when I have looming duties over my head (like cleaning). But, now it's done.

Oh, but my surgery. I'm getting my tonsils removed in a week and a half and no one is helping me with being worried. In fact, everyone is freaking me out with stories of how painful it will be. Good thing I'll have 2.5 weeks to recover (the doc says 2 weeks is normal to have off of work). MY doc even said that I will feel like death the first few days (at least...if not a week). Man, I think there are some things that should be manditory for kids to have done. I'm not all about useless surgeries, but tonsils are way easier (so I've heard) when you're young. Chicken pox too, but I had that when I was 4.

After my surgery (somewhere at the end of april) I'm going to join the program at my doc's office, so that should be good for me. 6 months (not weeks as I had before monday 8am) of meeting with a councelor once a month, weekly meetings, organized exercise opportunities, etc. Including the once a month fat composition test and calorie expenditure to taylor everything to my body. Needless to say I'm excited. I need the motivation...and I don't have any group challenges to help keep me motivated. But, talking about it makes me want to workout! Maybe I should more often, huh?

So that's me in a nut shell...or at least what I'm willing to talk about with the whole internet (aren't I optimistic ;) I'll try to do an official weigh in on tuesday to see where I am, er, how much I've gained! (I'm not being a downer on that one, just realistic).

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Big whiney post

Warning: big whining baby venting about non-weight loss about to happen.

I have a knack of getting friends where the relationship is mostly one sided. They tend to be relationships where I make more effort to be together or end up helping much, much more then they do. It's probably the reason why I'm reluctant to make new friends. And, I don't like fake, backstabbers, but that's a whole different post.

I have a "friend" that is mad at me for not being their personal chauffer. Granted, this friend is in the hospital, so I understand the vulnerable position. But, they're mad that I did not answer my phone last night because they needed to tell their doctor early in the morning that they did or did not have a ride in order to be released. I had personal reasons of my own for turning off my phone. I doubt that would matter though.

I need to explain some things, more for my own peace of mind and to calm me down then anything else. I said some time back (to this person) that I would help if they needed it. But, I assummed that our friendship was 2 sided and that I had a good friend that had my back. I have almost never had this person help me out in the past 3 years (almost 4). Even when I ask small things, which would take 15 minutes out of their time that I know they have, it's too inconvienent. They actually said it was too far out of their way. This problem has been most of our relationship, but especially bad in the past 6 months to a year. In fact, this person cannot even take 30-60 minutes out of their day to have lunch or dinner (it's not due to busyness either...yes, I do know this for sure). Even when I'm willing to drive the 20 minutes to their side of town. Or to cover for me or help me out when they specifially said they would. When they do agree to do something, every time they've backing out at the last minute. I got used to this, so I finally stopped asking.

What have I done for them you ask? I have driven them to the doctor for minor and not so minor proceedures about 4 times in the last 3 months. It takes about 2-6 hours out of my day each time, and no gas is not reembersed. I barely get a thank you. It's just expected. I also spent an hour copying documents for them because they didn't want to come to school. I also have brought them department mail when they asked. I didn't mind these things so much when we lived next to each other and the relationship was more reciprical. And, I don't mind helping a friend in need. It makes me feel better knowing I can help. I just get tired of feeling like it's my obligation to push everything aside. I do mind now. Do I say anything though? No.

My husband gets mad at me about it too. But, I can't, wait, more like I won't say no. I'm a sucker for people in need. I just silently resent it and try to put on a good face. I won't have to worry about it for a while since this particular "friend" is moving. I just don't know how to break the cycle. I've had other friends where we had a fabulous time together, but I always had to go to them and make the initiative. This is how the bio father was. I was expected to call him (even at the age of 11), because he was too busy. I believe(d) him when he said he loved me, but I'm tired of people not making the effort that they expect me to make. Are we forever destined to have relationships that reflect our parental relationships? Why can't I have ones like me and my mom?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

HYC check in

I don't have weight to report...I'm on strike against my scale. It's betrayed me enough times ;) Seriously, I want to stop focusing on weight and thinking about it all day. The last time I did weight myself though I hadn't changed. I'm trying to focus on my choices instead. Weigh-ins only make me more neurotic about weight leading to multiple weigh-ins/day, and don't really change my behaviors. Why is that? I suppose it's the nature of the compulsive stuff.

I worked out twice last weekend. I know it's nothing compared to what I was doing (45 min to 1hr 15 min 5x/week), but it's more than I have been doing the past couple of weeks. I apologize, but now is where I admitt I'm a butt head. I hear some of you say that you dont' have much time to even work out. (butt head part) And, I thought that was just an excuse. Turns out, ya, I'm there right now with you. I teach college courses 5 days/ week along with doing research. And all the prep that goes into making a lecture that introduces things to people new to the subject yet still interests the students that think they know it all (because they're graduating). I'm exhausted by the time I get home...and usually have to do work at home as well. But, as I'm getting ahead in my lectures again I'm starting to get more time to be able to work out. Yay! And, I'm trying to be more conscious of what I'm eating.

Last, but certainly not least...I don't want to jinx it, but I'm sleeping again and in a much better mood. I have anxiety that wakes me up (how fun, huh?), but that hasn't been as much the problem lately. I have some undiagnosed neck problems. I get headaches fairly easily and things like masages give me a migrane for 3 days (they can't resist trying to get the knots out). So, I think I was waking up from my neck pain and stuff. But, not for the past 2 nights. I got a new pillow. I don't know if that's really it, but I'll take it! You don't realize how nice sleep is until you don't get it!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Woking out

I went shopping today, and I fit into the juniors stuff again :) Yes, it is the 17's, but when I was an 18 I so couldn't even think about squeezing my butt into them. How cool is that! I just have to say that I'm not one of THOSE 30 year old. You know the kind...they compensate their sensitivity about their age by wearing things that are WAY too tight and low cut...thinking they look younger that way. I just love some of their shirts because they don't go down to your thights, and I like low rise pants. Why do they make women's pants go up to your boobs by the way? I know some people like mom jeans, but not quite comfortable for me.

I actually started working out again! I know one day isn't a trend, but it really felt good...I had forgotten how much I liked it. I kind of tricked myself into working out for the whole time, which is just fine by me. I got a new video through blockbuster online. In case you're wondering, it's in Carmen's strip tease series. They make you feel good about yourself, even when you feel overweight and so not sexy. Anyway, I thought it'd be 40 minutes, but it turned out to be 2 different types for a total of 1hour 15. I really had a fun time, even if I probably looked like a goober. Hey, it just means I'll be a more fit goober.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Trying times

It's not that I'm having issues like I have before...I know what hard times are. Actually, things aren't bad. I just have so much work stress. Like the rest of the world. My hubby says: it's a Phd. They don't give them away for free. Ya...they certainly don't.

I have been reminded today that I should be grateful for what I have. I have been taking for granted my abilities and privilages, which is evident by my lack of exercise. My friend has degenerative disk diseas, her throid is shot, and had an infection with one of her surgeries that lasted too long (poor care) so that her heart is comprimised as well. Her meds puts everyone I know to shame. She also has weight problems...much more so than I. She had surgery today to remove a device from her back that was supposed to help (stimulator to help with pain). Everything seemed find, but then when she came to they realized that she couldn't feel or move her right leg. She can lift it about 1/2 inch. Needless to say she's in the hospital as we speak.

She really can't exercise...even if she wanted to with her back problems. She can't even walk right now. I can. I can run (poorly, but due to lack of training), I can do aerobics, I can do push ups. I have nothing stopping me but my mind. I need to do it because I can. I owe it to myself.

I will start the program, the weight loss clinic, in 2.5 weeks. I'm so excited.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

HYC check in

I'm in the dumps. It may be all the rain lately (we usually average 11" of percipitation a year, and we've had probably more than that the last month...not counting last month). Or, it may be the lack of discipline I've had. Am I trying to sabatage myself? Am I trying to undo all the good I've been up to? UGH. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been eating good (unless fast food for breakfast is good for you. No? Didn't think so). I just am stress and so increadibly behind and busy that I'm freaking. I didn't even do much this weekend...I could have been getting ahead, but nope. I lounged becaused I wiped myself out the week before with working and not sleeping so bad that I was comatose. The only thing is that I haven't been gaining...miracle of all miracles. I don't feel I deserve that though, which makes it worse. Aren't we our own worst critics.

Ok, so I have to change this. I can make 30 minutes to exercise. If I can nap in the afternoon, then I can work out instead. The napping isn't helping me not be tired anyway. I will go back to the cardio and calistetics type stuff I was doing before. And, I'll start over with the push up challange...we'll see if I ruined the progress there. And, I have veggies and lean meats in the fridge. Why not use them? So, I will work on these things.

Oh, and obviously I need the clinic more than ever. I think I've decided to do it, I just need to wait for a few weeks (@ mid august) to make sure we can pay for it.

I can do this.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Weight Management Clinics

So, I went to the oritentation for my med clinic's weight management clinic. It's pricy (100/mo), and I would have to sign up for 6 months. I would really like to do it, but I think we need to see if insurance will help (prob not though) and if the hubby keeps this new job.

But, here's what's included. 16 courses about different topics (food prep, metabolism, etc.), 1/mo meeting with a personal trainer who also does body fat (electric scale type) and resting metabolic calorie expenditure (to see how many calories you burn at rest), the trainer also tailors a program depending on your levels and what you can do, toning and aerobic classes 2x/wk, weekly group meetings, Saturday walking group...I know I'm forgeting some, but I think it would provide what I'm needing right now. Oh, and we'd get discounts to local gyms (like orig. 65/mo and ours would be 25/mo).

I think it's worth it, but here's the question: do you guys know of other places that do things like this for cheaper? Have any of you tried things like this? I think this is the push I need. Working on my own has gotten me here, but that extra push and education would be so helpful. I just need a million dollars now and we'll be good :)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

keeping on track

I've been really struggling with my eating and exercise. I think it may be time to pick a plan, but oh how I hate the restrictions. The medical complex where most of my drs are has a weight loss clinic now. I think I'm going to go to the orientation tonight and see what they can recommend or do for me. Although, the thing is that unless my insurance will pay then I can't afford to attend the clinic...yet. But, I'm happy to report that my hubby just got hired at as the parts guy at a used car dealership making almost twice as much as he would have been making as an electrition apprentice. Maybe some of the stress will be gone now that we'll have cushioning room instead of paycheck to paycheck!

My work/school has been killing me! I'm exhausted, and have no energy or really time (seriously) to work on all the weight loss stuff beyond eating a little better. Getting a half hour even to exercise has been impossible. I have a new edition to my text book to teach from, so updating all my slides plus my advisor up my behind about research is just exhausting. Never mind that instead of 16 weeks we get 5. Insanity. Add to it my sleeping problems and, well, you get the idea. But, I can report that I finally got some sleep last night. Was it enough? Probably not since I'm still yawning a bit, but it was good sleep for a change! I didn't realize before, but my 24 hr allergy pill was keeping me up. I didn't take the pill yesterday and took some melatonin last night and slept all night long! I just can't do the 4 hours per night and function. I need a minimum of 8...9 if you want me really happy.

Anyway, time to get back to work. I'll let you know what the med center says!

Monday, July 7, 2008

HYC update

Drama, drama, drama. Well, it's more that my hubby has hurt himself again....x2. Pulled groin area and a broken pinky toe. Yes, he just recovered from a hurt knee. Between him and my dad, I will have a full head of grey hair by the time I'm 35! Maybe sooner. Is it a guy thing? I could have a weeks of posting material just with the mishaps of those two!

We had a good time (besides the hubby messing himself up) at the in laws. For those of you that don't live in a state where the big fire works are allowed, I apologize. I really never knew what I was missing until I came to TX. We had at least 1 person on every block setting them off in his parent's small neighborhood. It was awesome. And, we had some good company with good eating without over endulging. Funny enough, I didn't do poorly eating wise until after I left there (almost immediately). There's something about car trips that makes me want to snack. Ok, snacking is a mild word for what happened (and what followed). I still have a problem with boredom eating. I'll have to work on that one. But, I think I'm back in the swing of it.

I even exercised while I was there. But, I find myself slacking in that department. I've been working out only like 3x/week. I realize that's not bad per say, but it could be moving in the bad direction. It seems to be very much tied to my sleeping. I haven't been sleeping well...either too much or not enough. Combine that with business and I'm screwed. The sleep thing will be messed up as long as I'm in grad school. It's the way it is. But, maybe My sleep was better because I was working out. Hmm...I think I hit the nail on the head.

My weight is about the same within a couple pounds. Since I found out that, even though I've lost 15 pounds, I'm not the 205 I thought (more @ 210) I'm forgoing weight ins for a while and focusing on me instead.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Push up challange and 4th of July festivities

Push up challenge day 1 was alright. Not bad at all. I didn't do more than required though, but hey...progress takes time! I do the "girl" push-ups. I still need more core training to do the plank ones, but I know I'll get there. It took me working out these past 8 weeks to work my way to girly push ups...and I still need to concentrate to put myself all the way down, but it feels good to even be able to do 11 in oneday! Before you know it I'll be able to keep up with my ex-military husband!! I can't have him the only one fit enough to do these things, now can I :) **

I'm not expecting as great of results next WI, but I'm ok with that. We're traveling to the in-laws house, and a southern mom just doesn't cut back most of the time! She's trying to be healthier too, but her best foods (and the ones my hubby requests from her) are not exactly low calorie. I guess I'll need to make substitutes. No buns on the yummy burgers, one biscuit with jam instead of gravy instead of two, etc. Oh, my tummy is grumbing just thinking about it! I refuse to feel guilty about it...or deprive myself. But, I think I've progressed enough to at least not gain. Wish me luck!

Happy 4th of July!! Our independence and all that we fought for is something to celebrate...I hope you get to enjoy yourselves and have a good time at poolside bbq's and such!

** update: I did day 2...I can't believe I did all those pushups!!! I know 4, 3, 2, 2, & 7 doesn't seem like much, but 18 is a lot for me. Watch, I wont' be able to lift my arms tomorrow. lol. But, I did it! It's corney, but I feel like a champ :)