eye opening experiences

My hubby and I got into a fight. Now, usually I don't like to talk about personal things, especially if the hubby and I are having problems, but maybe..just maybe it could help someone. Maybe me :)

I'm doing the normal eating stages from their site. I'm trying to get a grip on this instead of being screwed up about food. Eating for nutrition and eating a "normal" portion size. To see food as food and not something else. No diets, not restrictions. It's all about chosing my food. Hopefully for it's nutrition.

My hubby had a good point, but a bad one as well. He wants to fix it. He wants to cure it for me. What can I say, he cares about me and he's a dude :) And, he sees my struggles and that nothing has been working since we met. But, he really doesn't "get" it. He doesn't understand. And, how could he if I never talk to him about it. That's right, I don't talk to him about any of the stuff I'm going through.

I tell y'all more than I ever would dream of telling my hubby about my feelings about my weight, getting healthier and my struggles. I don't even want him to know what I weigh. He found out in a sneaky way a while back, but it's always been a range. Sure, I've told him some stuff about my struggles with food and such, but it's not a topic up for discussion for the most part. It's the reason why I have a semi-anonymous blog. Yet, how can I expect him to understand what I'm going through if I never talk to him about it?

I think I need to rely on people in my day to day life, at least him, as well as y'all. He is my best friend...so why can't I use him for a support system?! Seems like a silly waste.

Happy Valentines Day!

My hubby did the sweetest thing Friday (yesterday)! He sent me flowers at work:

He also sent two cards. One from him (which I won't post here - too private and sweet) and one from our doggie. You have to realize - my dog is my child. She doesn't know she's not human - I don't know she's a dog some, ok, most of the time...it works. Well, especially given how well she listen. Anyway, here was the outside (snoopy was my favorite when I was little!)

And, here is the inside:

See the doggie print as a signature? (he put her paw in purple stamper ink to "sign" it). How adorable! I was about in tears.

I hope your respective SO's made you as happy as mine did this week!

Have a great day! Happy Valentine's Day!

(Here's a pic of my baby dog)

Re-explainings from yesterdays post

I know - I'm continuing the last post. Updating again. But, it was something I didn't explain well and think I need to try again!

I understand that there are varying degrees of physical attractiveness (in a conventional, blind rating sort of way). However, I do believe that people are beautiful in unique ways, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Here's where I think the author of the piece had a point. There are people that hide behind food and their weight instead of facing their real issues. And, there are people that have lost the weight they wanted to and realized that all their issues are still there - they're just a smaller size while dealing with the issues (hence one reason why surgery is not a quick fix! Well, and the other issues that come with surgery...but that's not the point!). It can be heartbreaking to realize that losing weight isn't a cure all for all the problems.

I think the author was trying to get people to realize that fact...that we will still need to deal with all the issues underlying why we (us that have issues) were over eating in the first place. After all, their audience is primarly made up of people that have deeper issues than I like french fries. They are people who want help with deeper issues.

In all fairness, there was a line in there that said it was sad that people strive for physical perfection and are let down when losing weight doens't result in the perfection because there is more to attractiveness than that (i.e., inner beauty). Keep in mind that it was paraphrased.
I just wish it had come before the shock factor.

Outrageous, but true

Something struck a cord with me and got me mad. I was reading about people that are over weight, and it was said that some people over eat because then they can delude themselves. They need to feel like they can do something to do to look attractive. To give them hope. They remain overweight because they don't want to give up that hope. Instead of being comfortable with their looks and thin. Then it was pointed out that some people will never be attractive. That some thin people are ugly and there's nothing they can do about it (basically).

Harsh. Ouch. Totally irritated me. Until I realized how many time I used ot think or people say: if I just lost the weight everything would be perfect. Ok, maybe they don't say perfect, but they say things like "I'd get out of the house more, I'd have more friends, I'd go to partys, I could get someone of the opposite sex, etc." Like losing weight will stop the depression and social phobia. It doesn't.

And, there are levels of attractiveness just like there are intelligence. I won't ever be Einstein, but I can be the best person I can and learn as much as I can. I may never look like Angelina Jolie, but I need to appreciate what I have!

I don't think the author was meaning to make people feel bad. It wasn't meant to have people think they were ugly either. It was making people realise that they may hold unrealistic expectations. It's probably why some people gain the weight back. It's not a quick fix. It's not a cure all. Losing weight is simply being a smaller size and healthier. Period.
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I have to say that the fact that I was outraged means that maybe it's something I needed to hear. I guess I should re-read it and see if it's different after I've calmed down.
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Edited for time number 2! I can't post the link. But, keep in mind that it's not that everyone is over weight for these reasons - it was that some people have this problem.
What they went on to say is that inner beauty is what we should be focusing on. And, it's not that there won't be people that find you beautiful. But, some people will never physically look like Angelina Jolie or Katherine Zeta Jones (not their examples, they're mine!).

Also note that I didn't mean to say find people of the opposite sex - I meant a romantic partner.

Sleepy state blame

Late night sleeping issues are funny. It's all those darn infomercials. I usually am able to recognize that they rope you in using psychology techniques, but I blame it on the sleepy state. I got to watching one exercise one, and thought "hey, that could answer all my questions and wishes." Totally excited. Ready to shell out money. Then the next one came on. You guessed it. So, even with my training and many (too many) posts on the topic, even though I know better...I still am looking for the quick fix. At least I realized what was going on before moola was involved!!

I'm trying something new. It's all nmb's (at embrasing the weight loss journey) fault :) I joined the normal eating site in order to try to get a grip on a healthier relationship with food. Food logs and eating healthier foods works for some people - not denying that it does. But, I seem to have deeper roots - lets work on pulling them up one at a time!

In the mean time, I am working out with some tae bo and some bike riding with the hubby. Still moving in the right direction, just slow and steady. Slow and sure.

Weekday update

I was and was not able to rest well this weekend all at once. The issue the past couple weeks was that the dad and his girlfriend were in for a few days and then the in laws were in. Love it when they visit, but next time we'll have a fouton or some mattress for us to sleep on when they take our bed. Soggy air mattresses aren't a good thing. The other part is light sleeper combined with sick puppy = sleep deprived. She has diarrhea and has had a few late night emmergency bathroom sessions this week. Last night was at 1am, so then we both (her and I) slept on the couch in case she felt sick again. Thought she could get over it, but it's enough now that we will be going to the vet today. I'm sure it was just too much of grandpas food and not enough of her own (my dad and his girlfriend share a little too much food with her).

We don't watch football, but still used the superbowl as an excuse to have friends over and cook some good foods.

new love. Smoked salmon toastets with cream cheese. I'm sure it's bad for you, but I'm missing fish so bad here. I grew up on lake michigan and with many small lakes around, so fish was all around back home. Here in the panhandle of TX, not so much. These babies were so.friggin.good. And, they're rich enough that it's something I can enjoy just a bit of and no need of worrying of overindulgence.

For dinner, we cooked some chicken quarters Tyler's Ultimate style (just discovered his show on the cooking network). Have y'all every brinned chicken before? I'm sold. For this one you just soak it in water, brown sugar (1/2 bag), 2 handfuls of salt, and a few sprigs of thyme for at least 2 hours. Then he had us grill it for @ 10 minutes on each side. Then bake it. Don't apply your bbq sauce (if you so choose) until 15 minutes till it's done. It was some good bbq chicken. Would have been not burnt too if we had paid attention to the flame when grilling. lol. Oh, well. learning lessions, right? Do y'all ever brine chicken? What do you do?

Update

This is a fake update. I just realized that I haven't posted since Monday! I guess I've only been replying to other people's posts. I'm just exhuasted (too much work and up way way way too early this morning). Must nap or sleep or veg. Will update later.