Strength

You are stronger than you think you are.

Older women

I posted yesterday about older men and which ones were up and coming as the "new" distinguished older, sexier men. There was no agenda there besides a conversation I had with my husband and a male friend of ours. Yea, I make them talk girl talk too. Don't' feel bad for them, most of our conversations revolve around cars. Once in a while I need a testosterone break.
But, it got me thinking about the other gender. What about the women? Why do we not get to grow more sexy as we age. Well, let me rephrase that for all of you cougar and puma lovers out there - why do we get pressure to look and act younger while men get more distinguished. Like with Somethings gotta give. See that if you haven't. It's one of my favorites.

Why is aging so bad for women? When I was @ 22 I had numerous friends who would use anti aging cream and lotion their bodies in fear of stretch marks and wrinkles. Why are we so afraid of imperfection? Why is a wrinkle an imperfection for a woman and not for a man? I blame it partially on media.

Why was Blanche from the golden girls, who lied and said she was younger, the only one to get guys? OK, she was a bit of a, um, promiscuous woman. But, really...only the "young" looking older women are revered. So many people are after the younger looking celebrities to know their secrets. We're fascinated with them. Want to be them. They're the ones we talk about, while the distinguished men look age appropriate.

Do you think it's us? Is it a confidence thing?

But, older means more than wrinkles. Like I've said before...I doubt I'd go back if I could. I know, I'm hardly old at the age of 31, but really...my younger years were so difficult. I had a lot of relationship problems (with friends, lovers, family, myself), and I really would not relive those for anything! I like what I have now...my marriage, my up and coming career, etc. That I'm growing as a person. I have nothing completely figured out, but I've learned so much. With each year I'm more comfortable with myself and my relationships. There's a lot less impossible questions and a lot more discoveries. OH, but really...couldn't I have my age and less debt? lol.

My friend told me once that she loved the lines she was getting on her face. It meant that she laughed a lot :) I didn't agree with her then (my alien alert went off...she was a freak of nature for saying that back then), but I do now. That's how I'm choosing to see my "imperfections". I laughed, so I have wrinkles.

Older men & random thoughts

Is it just me, or has Burt Reynolds taken over Sean Connery's distinguished, sexy older gentlemen spot?

And, did Anthony Hopkins take himself out of the running by playing Hannibal Lecter?

Random conversations with friends :) And, really, I don't have enough face to face girl friends.

boredom eating

I have posted about the being left alone with my thoughts issue before, but a blog or article I read a week or two ago (if it was you...I apologize...I really can't remember. note to self, write immedately after a thought provoking post is written! Cite it too!!) was talking about when and why people over eat. More specifically, they were saying that boredome eating is not just boredom eating. That it is another form of emotional eating. That there is something underlying the "boredom".


Is that true? Do we not every get bored and eat? Maybe not. If I'm honest with myself (or paying enough attention) then I'd say that I eat when I'm "bored" to ignore the anxiety I'm feeling...or the anxiety I would be feeling if I didn't "veg" out in front of the tv with a bag of chips and guacamole or spaghetti or baked french "fries". I know that there are times I have a hard time being left alone with my thoughts. I'm doing yoga to help with that.

But, certainly others are truely just bored? What do you think?

Your brain isn't working right

First off, the Marley (the puppy) is doing great. Up to her usually tricks :) It's amazing how much these little fur balls get into our hearts. So quickly too.

I just read today about a new food thing. It is a tasteless, odorless thing that you sprinkle on your food. Allegedly (gotta love that word!), it sends a signal to your brain to stop eating earlier than would usually happen. Why? Because, according to the scientists, our brains don't shut off the "I want food" signal until after a considerable amount has been eaten. You're brain isn't working correctly.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I think it would be a great thing, on the other hand I feel like it's another "miracle" weight loss drug/cure that won't work...at least for long. Then there's the fact that how many people out there are overweight merely because the mechanisms in their brain don't shut off in time? There's a lot of talk on blogs around here about compulsive eating and emotional eating. The same thing with people in my day to day life (most of who don't know my personal history with compulsive eating, my blog, my quest to become "normal" with eating, etc.). Most of these people are desperate to lose the weight. Most of these people have tried everything and gained it back. Not one was "just" someone who's brain didn't shut off in time. It also doesn't solve that a lot of us have poor food choices.

I just worry about the message this sends. That overweight is a medical/brain mechanism disorder and not other issues underlying it. That there's a quick cure.

If it works I'll buy stock and praise it's glory. Until then...
And, no...I don't have the link where I found it. Long story, but if I hear of it again I'll let you know.

Give Away

The happy runner is having a give away. Not me...remember, I'm cheap!

Win a cereal with the ingredients of your choice from @MojaMix. They are one of the new companies that lets you pick the ingredients YOU want. Which is awesome.
Go to http://thehappyrunner.blogspot.com to participate.

I think I *get* it now

I didn't before. I was trying to talk the talk, but always falling short. But, I get it. I get what I have to do. What this is all about.

I was apart of an online community (duh? Aren't you online now?yes, but I meant a site with a forum and guidelines) a few months (maybe more?) ago. A way to get people to react normally to food and feel better about themselves. It's not about losing weight. It's about being healthy with all aspects with yourself.

You start off by eating what you want. In front of people. Not necessarily giving into binges, but giving yourself permission to eat what you want. Then, recognize why you eat when you eat what you eat. Then it goes on from there (if you want the skinny I'll send you to their site). The whole point though is to realize that food is food. It holds no more power than that. Plain and simple. And, that self esteem and self worth have nothing to do with thinness or what you eat. To be proud of who you are for you. Now. The same message that many of you preach all the time. I agreed, shaking my head yes, standing up and cheering...but still felt badly when I over ate. Or when I ate "bad" things. I just got to the point where I would keep it inside locked away instead of visibly feeling bad.

I heard the words, but full understanding didn't happen until a day or two ago.
For me, the scales have been tipped. Finally. I heard the message one more time and I *got* it. That I am beautiful now. That I am enough. That I am smart. Nothing is riding on weight loss and getting healthier BESIDES losing some pounds and getting healthier. *I* won't change or it won't fix the things I'm unhappy about because they have nothing to do with losing weight. And, there's nothing to fix there. Yes, I'd like to nag less. I'd like to be more diligent. But, I'm not broken. I just have some stuff to work on.

I'd still like to lose weight for all the reasons I said before...to ward off cardiovascular problems, for stamina throughout the day, to buy clothes :) But, there is a real chance that I won't. After all, many people don't succeed in keeping it off. I've seen it myself with family members and friends...and the statistics are shocking. I think I'm ok with that. It's taken a while to think about and come to terms with. But, I've been this weight for a long time now. I'll be ok if I remain here. I've seen so many people struggle to lose weight and never really get there. Waiting for the weight to come off to live, but always obsessing and never REALLY enjoying life. I can't and won't do that any more. I will enjoy the things I am doing, what I'm eating, who I am. And be me.

I am introverted. I don't make friends easily (have a hard time finding people I can *really* trust). I'm ok with that. It's me, and the center of attention has never been my thing. Even if I got thinner, would that make me an extrovert? no. I'd be a thinner introvert who doesn't make friends easily, but has a great support system and people that care about her. Just.like.now. I would still be slightly neurotic. I'd still nag my hubby when he leaves things around the house. I would, and do, and it's me. I would still have my history, my life now, approximately the same future. Everything about my life would remain the same. I'd just have smaller clothes...and maybe more places to shop at.

I still want to eat healthier and exercise more. It makes me feel physically better. It gives me an outlet (exercise, not eating healthier :). I still want to *beef* up my veggie intake. I'm planning on eating less junk food. But, again, because I want to feel better. Get my energy up. Sleep better. But, if I want french fries, a hot dog (eew, I know, but yummy!), potato chips, dessert? I will have it. And, I don't give a rats behind what anybody thinks. Because I'm allowed to eat what I want. I'm allowed to make my own choices. I'm allowed to be me.

Body Image Blog

I know most of you already read Miz Fit's blog (especially as I've met several of you on her site), but in the off chance there is one of you out there...there is a new blog that she and others out there have put together about body image and accepting you for you! You can find it here. http://watrd.wordpress.com/ It touches on all the issues I have with the hidden intent I had for title of my blog (said it was for being healthier, but if I'm being real then I'd admit it wasn't entirely true). Or the desperation that we feel to be perfect and thin. With the struggles I'm still having even though I talk the talk. Being a better you or more like doing what you want to be doing...that's one thing, but trying to be perfect and equating that with thin? Nope. What I've read so far...inspiring, controversial, supportive, and right on the track I believe is most important.

French Fries :)

I'm looking for healthier recipies all the time. Ones that taste good. I found one for my beloved french fries. YAY.

I love french fries (in case you've forgotten the last time I mentioned it..like every month!). I have issues with staying away. It's a problem. BUT, I found a healthier version that I actually like better. Easy stuff. Just cut up a potato. Toss in olive oil and salt. Bake @ 375-400 each side for 8-10 mintues. Tada. Now, if you find a healther version of Ketchup please let me know! One that tastes good might help as well :)

Is there a place that you go to get healthier recipies? What's your favorite? I would love to know! I have a couple of sites, but not a lot that are realistic for my life style, budget, etc.

Pets

I was told yesterday that my puppy more than likely had distemper and would die yesterday within 2-24 hours. I'm completely grateful they were wrong.

Our new puppy was acting weird. She was bobbing her head back and forth (so not really bobbing, but lack of a better word) and almost falling over when she was sitting. Took her to a new vet (ours couldn't get her in) and that's what they said. It would be hours. I was devistated. Completely. Layed on the couch with her all morning and afternoon. @ 4 we got her up to eat and drink. Immediately after she played with her sister and acted normal. Same again today. Our vet (got her in this morning) said it may have been a pesticide or herbicide. Crazy. Just to be careful, she's not allowed to go for walks until after Monday when she gets her booster.

I can't imagine having a non-fur baby. I doubt I could handle all the stress! We won't even talk about emotional eating!

Grateful

I'm grateful today for:

1. My wonderful husband being supportive of my crazy journey that is PhD
2. my new "puppy" learning that potty doesn't happen in the house! No messes for 3 days and counting!
3. Starburst jelly beans. Yummy! Totally made my day finding them at big k
4. Figuring out that I may pass my exams after all!
5. of course, y'all :)

These are the things that went totally right today.
What are you grateful for today?

P.S. Felice/the happy runner: I was able to read your post on google reader, but not able to get to your page (either the blog home page or the post page). Don't know why it keeps doing that to me...usually it kicks me off if I click the post page, but not the blog home page...but not suck luck this time :( Good luck finding races closer to home!

Fruit and veggies

Did I tell you I started Yoga? I have a video that I'm doing. I think it'll really help with feeling better on the inside. And outside. Keep the angry monkey away :) I just started though, so we'll see later. Everything works well the first couple of weeks, doesn't it?

Onto the title of this post. Veggies and fruits. Ah, beloved fruits are no issue. I love them. And, I have a ton of ideas on how to incorporate more. Is it really that hard? Eat them plain, in pancakes, in smoothies, in oatmeal...the list goes on and on. Blueberries, strawberries, mangos, grapes, oranges...yummmy! But, veggies? Eeeeek.

Would it really be that bad if I get most of my servings from fruits and for the most part ignore the veggies? After all, they're usually lumped together, so I can just chose to get it all from fruit. NO? Ok. But, I have a hard time getting in the veggies. I know some of you struggle with this as well as I've read you say the same things!

Some things I've done. Lately I'm *fairly* into an "oriental" salad with chinese cabbage as the base. Totally yummy, with a home made dressing and you toast almonds with ramen noodles, then add the packet (although I'm thinking adding 1/2 the packet would be healthier AND better tasting). There's baby carrots, but I need them with ranch...which I hear isn't the best! OH, and using romain leaves for the "shell" of a burrito/taco thing. That one is my new favorites I've been eating fairly regularly...dont' forget the picante sauce! yum. And then there's squash. I just got that and am excited about it. It cooks great in the indoor grill (you know who's :) with just a little bit of salt, pepper and olive oil. OH, and spinach and fetta "pizzas". Cook them on a flat bread in the oven. Totally good, and if you use fresh spinach leaves it gives it a great texture and not too soggy. That's really all I've got. It's all great on it's own, but what about sneaking it in every day?

Do you struggle with veggies as well? (I just pictured y'all arm wrestling broccoli...hehe...I hope you win!) What tips do you have for "sneaking" it in?

Complaining and working on things

That title is funny. I don't mean that I'm complaining here (that's a first! lol), what I mean is that it is something I'm working on. Felice over at the happy runner posted the other day that she was going complaint free. What? Complaint free? As in no bitching, complaining or being disgruntled? It sounded easy enough, but deceptively so. I immediately knew I had to try it. After all, I posted back in the day that I thought my friend complaining about her now husband was causing issues with me and my hubby. It does spread, and only perpetuatues more unhappiness and, well, more complaining!

I expected it to be a little difficult. I didn't expect just how difficult it would be! I find myself doing it all the time. I found little to say to a friend the other day when we hung out. Very sad. And, it's been creeping in. Doesn't help that I was attempting it at that tom. Still.

So, I'm working on not being disgruntled. Part of the problem may be that I didn't have a contingency plan. But, what do you do instead? I've started doing slow, deep breathing techniques when I'm stressed. But, in everyday story telling? It all just sounds like complaining. When I figure out a good alternative activity I'll let you know! ;)

I'm also starting up a self esteem booster journal (a book I bought...helps with that respect). It's to try and correct some things I'm not so happy about in my life. Stopping the negativity talk and being so hard on myself. I would like to relax, believe in myself, and be happier all around. I think this is a step in the right direction. Just like I said a while back (a week ago? who knows...I could look, but eh..), my food issues (most people's too?) stem from a lot of other issues. It's a symptom, not an entity of its own. So, I'm working on it. Maybe the no complaining pact will help.

So, have you ever tried not complaining? Have you thought about it at all? Have you conquered that issue already? Inquiring minds want to know :) If not, I suggest you do it...if only for a couple of days.

Fatty foods

Mama Bear June posted the most shocking, yet informative, links today. She found articles at men's health mag's website that post the worst foods.

The transfattiest foods in America

and also the 30 worst foods in America

If you haven't seen these...check them out. It's quite shocking. I never would have guessed that some of these things were THAT bad for you. Thanks, June!! I guess I'll need to think twice about what I shove in my pie hole :)
If you haven't been to her blog, go check it out! She's great for posting informative links on her site, and has great tips and updates about her success story of getting healthier!

4th of July

I hope you all have a fabulous Independence day and that you are lucky enough to spend it with your loved ones! Be safe, be healthy, but be very happy too :)

Believe

WARNING, WARNING, rant ahead. I will let you know when it's done so you can skip ahead if you'd like!
OK. So I'm pissed about my vehicle and need to vent about it. The stupid jerks at the dealership that did our oil change last time stripped the drain cap. When we went to get it changed at another place they told us of this and wouldn't touch it. Couldn't really. Go back to above dealership and they said that there's no way to tell whos to blame and they won't do anything compensation wise. They will take a look at the car, but if it's really stripped it could cost starting at 250 and up. WHAT?? That on top of the car getting hit three times in the last few months. WTF!!!! And, it's leaking oil. Probably from the drain cap. GRRR. THEN, oh it gets even better, my hubbys tire has a nail in it. Not a problem, but he has special tires that are really wide and a little thinner. The place we got them won't put a plug in it because it's not safe with those tires. So that'll be another 350. I think the financial gods are pooping all over us.
END OF RANT


Ok, so as you can tell I'm working on anger issues. lol. That's my new big project. That and negative self talk. I had forgotten all about focusing on this. It was my goal for this year. Does it really take constant focus? Sometimes. But, I haven't been doing too good of a job lately. Mostly I ignore it and forget about stuff like being nice to myself. Miz Fit had some good advice...would you ever let a stranger talk to you like this? If not, then maybe you shouldn't!!

The problem with the negative self talk is that it has caused problems in all areas of my life. I have problems with being assertive, even as a teacher, but especially with my courses I take and with professors. It's getting better, but still needs work. It also is with being assertive with people I encounter, like the stupid guy at the dealership. My husband has to do these things for me. Anything involving confrontation at all is really difficult. The other issue, and one that relates to why I have this blog...it also impacts how I eat and how much I eat. Like comfort foods and compulsive eating.

If only I could really get more confidence. And, if only I could really and truely believe in myself. How can a girl get to her last year of PhD school and still sometimes wondering if she's good enough? How can I be 31 and still feel every once in a while that I'm not enough? I'm proud of myself for the steps that I've made, but still would like to make it more of a focus now.

I'm hoping to get some easy tips, but already have some ideas from operation beautiful and others. However, I think I'm going to take up my book about compulsive eating. I think the exercises in that can really help. and am willing to give it another try.
Some of them are just weird though. Like watch yourself eating in the mirror for a while. Something about being comfortable with it and not being ashamed. Have you tried it? How long can you last?

The others have to do with positive self esteem. I think the book is more about stopping hating our bodies, but it all works towards what I want. To eat "normally", and yes to stop hating my body and feeling guilty all the time. Feeling anxious.

I do have a nsv to report though...gotta end on a happy note, right? :) The hubby and I went to a restaurant and we had not so healthy foods (obviously not the nsv), but I was able to leave food on my plate. Actually more food than I have left in a while! Including my ever beloved french fries! YAY ME!!!