Sunday, September 28, 2008


I've been thinking about my eating a lot lately. I've lost touch of when I'm truely hungry and when I'm eating for other reasons. But, it's not always like this. There have been times, in the not so distant past, where I've gotten back in touch with hunger eating. There have been times in the past where I've realized that I don't have that far to go (like I "realized" again in the post bellow). There have have been times where I've gotten control over the obsessive eating even. All this tells me is that I need to look a little bit further than I'm eating bad or I'm compulsive eating. I've been trying to address these issues instead of getting to the bottom of things.

I've begun to see a pattern with my compulsive eating. Besides the obvious issues (realizing the food will be there later, realizing I'm not really hungry, etc.), but the other issue is anxiety. I think sometimes I use food to compensate for anxiety I'm having. Especially about school. I'm a higly anxious person to begin with, but add in grad school and it's kicked into hyper drive. I think this anxiety is apart of what keeps me from doing my work ahead of time, it causes me to veg out in front of the tv and "lose" myself in shows (to ward off the anxiety or near panick), my constant checking of the blogs I follow, and I think it also contributes to eating.

Like bored or emotional eating, this type also provides a distraction. I think I use it as my way out. I've noticed lately that when I think about school and how much I have to do and how overwhelming it seems, I immediately switch to obsessing about food and about eating. WTF???!!! Is this how it is every time? I never realized it before, but maybe.

It's messed up, but at least I'm seeing the pattern now. You see, I thought I had controlled the anxiety during the day (the sleep issues are a different story...getting help for those). I thought I was doing ok in everyday life. Yeah, I don't think so. I just transfered. The next step, the harder step, is finding what to do with the anxiety. I may have to journal, I may have to seek outside help, but I have things I can do now.


M said...

A common are NOT alone. I like to keep busy, push myself to slam a glass of water or get up and move to distract my tummy urges. Changes in my routine seem to help. It is ok to take some steps sideways or problem! Keep it going!

Twix said...

I do the same thing when I'm learning or using my brain to much. I get hungry!! You're right we have to find healthy ways to deal with our anxiety. Wishing you a happy and productive week! :D

carla said...

And so freeing to me when at least I have the spark of an insight into my behavior.

For me EMPOWERING (as it seems you feel, too. Yes?) as far as knowing where to at least begin with regards to carving out my new path.


nmburleson said...

It is such progress that you are having these realizations! Please know that you are NOT alone! Journaling may help you sort out more of these feelings and recognize patterns. Thanks for posting this as it helps me realize that I am not alone!

Lasserday said...

Hi friend, i am coming back to life, thanks in great part to your support, so thanks!! i do the anxious eating, too. i have found that the best thing is to try to figure out what i am thinking and then replace those thoughts. it is hard, but seems to help me a lot.