Friday, June 6, 2008

Shout it on the roof tops

I've discovered that I don't really want to talk about any of this (losing weight) to anyone except to y'all. My hubby told his family. Just talking to them like normal and mentioned it. They're all working on themselves too, so I should feel comforted in them knowing and being able to talk about it with family. I felt like he betrayed me. It was as if someone had outed me as gay. I know it's irrational, but it's how I felt.

The question is why? Part of me feels like I don't want people to think that I'm on a diet. Diet is something so negative and restrictive. I don't want it to be a big deal. I eat whatever I want, I'm just trying to chose better foods and make more conscious choices. I gained weight without talking about it with everyone. Why should I need to talk about it with these people?

BUT, I think there's more to it. I think a big part of it is that I'm afraid I'll fail. It still feels new, and I haven't been losing weight like I'd want to. If I fail then it was all said for nothing. I know it's hard to fail when you're not on a program, but when people are told that you're eating better and working it then it seems like it is a "diet" and a program. (besides that it's how he told people...she's on a diet...it's been a while working on him to get rid of the word diet). They don't really understand. And, I'm kind of ashamed that I struggle so much with it...that there's something wrong with me. This is more then losing weight for me...it's something so vulnerable and personal that I can't bear to talk to people I see face to face about it. It's an emotional experience for me, and the fact that I have an eating disorder is something I'm ashamed of. I know I *shouldn't* be ashamed, but I am. Given our society and their perception of over weight people, I'm sure you know what I mean.

I don't know how to get around this except to face it and get over myself. I'm working hard to make myself better, so why should I be ashamed? And, why shouldn't he talk about it with them? I talk about it with him all the time. I tell him about y'all, I make him watch the losing show on the health channel, I talk about my struggles. It's a major focus of my life right now...and isn't that what family is for? To share your lives? So, I guess I'm going to talk to talk about it with the people in my life. Now I can get support from people I know. Doesn't that sound good? :)

2 comments:

Lasserday said...

i can't stress enough that i totally understand what you are talking about here. i don't really understand why i feel that way, either. probably the failing thing. i am so glad you are gonna jump in and try it! i look forward to hearing how it goes.

oh, also, i just really want to thank you for all the great comments on my blog, your support really helps. :)

WillBFineby2009 said...

We who have weight issues feel this way because we feel to be the ABNORMAL if u will.I mean america pushes thin thin & when we are not one of them we use the word DIET.We (including myself need to find a lifestyle change.)I am 50 this year & I have come to the conclusion that we need to move more then the calories we take in DAILY...It sucks but its true...

P.S. I am new to this blogging thingf & will be added as a newbie...I need support too!My hubby is my biggest support I must say!our 2 boys R grown & married~